


It's Enough

by lun_a



Category: BTOB
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slight fluff, angst and idk what else, idk if i had the tags correct lol, not ur typical changjae, soft!changsub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 09:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16426478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lun_a/pseuds/lun_a
Summary: maybe changsub is too much for sungjae he thinks he doesn't deserve the guy.





	It's Enough

**Author's Note:**

> back with a btob fic!! yay! i got more btob fics sittingin my drafts (im sorry they took so long) and they may or may not be as good as the ones before (maybe worse bec i was never good ??) but i hope yalls enjoy!!!

 

  
"That was long ago," Sungjae chuckled bitterly as he sipped on his pineapple juice. Changsub smiled at him and patted his cheeks lightly.

"Yeah. Anyway, that's enough. Let's go?" Changsub stood up, Sungjae did the same and they held hands as they walked down the seaside restaurant they were in.

It has been four years ago since they started being together. Changsub was way more than blessed having Sungjae. He has always seen him as the most precious thing in his world he has to keep in his arms. Sungjae says the truth when he say he's content too, being with Changsub. Their genuine smiles tell it all, they're happy. Well, at least they are.

It wasn't expected, though. The supposed to be just a high school band they created, became a long-time friendship. Like what everyone wanted, Eunkwang and Minhyuk ended up together. Peniel married a girl and has a kid now. Hyunsik, after so many years of denying, got Ilhoon and has been together for some time now. And of course, Changsub and Sungjae.

The seven of them still keep in touch once in a while but they haven't seen each other for ages after getting their own places.

"I think of going to Hawaii next summer," Changsub suggested.

"Yeah? That's a good idea," Sungjae agreed as they pass by an ice cream shop and Sungjae dragged Changsub in.

"Hey, ice cream again?" Changsub complained but comfortably wiggled himself into the soft seat in the shop.

"Come on, I know you love it too," Sungjae winked at him and transferred his seat beside his boyfriend. Minutes later, their order came.

"Good times. I suddenly remembered Ilhoon," Changsub said after having a spoonful of his bubblegum-flavored bingsu. Sungjae did not make it too obvious but he abruptly fell off his spoon against the table.

"Why?" Sungjae nervously laughed and asked.

"Nothing. Just that, he likes strawberry so much, doesn't he?" Changsub replied, pointing to Sungjae's pint of ice cream.

Sungjae smiled to himself, "He does." He recalled how many times Ilhoon would whine whenever they sneak out together just to get any strawberry-flavored snack or drink. Sungjae always complied though, he just wanted to hear Ilhoon whining a little longer.

"I miss him, I mean who wouldn't? I miss how he would play dumb games with me," Changsub laughed innocently, just purely missing the younger boy. Sungjae wanted to talk about Ilhoon too, how much he misses him too and what are the things that they used to do together. But he can't, of course he can't, especially he's with Changsub now.

Sungjae loves Changsub. He really does, but he loved Ilhoon too. He loved Ilhoon more than anything or anyone else before. Sungjae never wanted to let go but fate made it that way. He knows Changsub doesn't deserve someone like him but he tries his best to give Changsub back what he deserves. He loves Changsub that Sungjae still tries too to forget the longing he has always have in his heart.

Thankfully, Changsub started talking about their other friends and how he wanted to see them again. Sungjae started to talk too, hoping Changsub would not bring up Ilhoon again.

  
~

 

Changsub went to Busan alone. It was a Friday.

Sungjae has nothing to do that day so he went out on his own. He found himself in a busy park, realizing it wasn't his first time to be there. He walked around until he decided to sit on one of the benches. The guy beside him has loud music playing on his earphones and Sungjae planned to just ignore him. Well, not until he recognized the song bursting from the guy's earphones.

"What on earth-- Ilhoon?" Sungjae sort of asked himself as he saw the familiar cap the guy was wearing. Just in time Sungjae spoke, the other looked up to him.

"Yook Sungjae!" Ilhoon finally removed his earplugs and turned his whole attention to Sungjae. "How are you?" He asked, smiling so brightly.

Sungjae wanted to close his eyes. Ilhoon's smile was so nostalgic to him, his heart pounded so hard that Sungjae is panicking how to calm himself. "I'm fine," was everything he managed to say.

They fell into silence. Sungjae wanted to ask so many things like how is he doing, is Hyunsik taking good care of him or if he still likes strawberries; but Sungjae did not utter a single word. Thankfully, Ilhoon broke the silence as he asked.

"Have you met the others lately?"

Sungjae shook his head, "No. We last saw Minhyuk in a supermarket, I think a year ago. They said they moved to another place last January."

"Yeah. We accidentally saw them there two months ago. Peniel calls us once in a while, though," Ilhoon told him.

"Us too. Peniel is always the sweetest," Sungjae agreed.

"Where's Changsub, by the way?" Ilhoon blurted out. It was the last thing Sungjae wanted to hear from him.

"Went to Busan, he'll be staying there until Sunday. Told me he'd be helping his college friend in his song," Sungjae shrugged. "How about Hyunsik? Why are you here alone?"

Ilhoon smiled at Sungjae's mention of Hyunsik. "Working out. That guy has been so vain lately," he said, chuckling. Sungjae stared at him, finding some words to say.

"He loves eating so much before but now, he's so picky! I don't know why that jerk started to work out and diet, i mean— he's naturally buff like always still he does that. Psh, that fucking show-off," Ilhoon shook his head while telling Sungjae about Hyunsik. He just can't help it. Ilhoon doesn't know why but everytime Hyunsik is the topic, he just want to brag about him and tell everything he finds beautiful about Hyunsik.

"And he hates berries! You know how much I love berries and I love Hyunsik too but I hate him everytime he secretly gives away my berries in the fridge," Ilhoon laughed.

Sungjae looked away. Fuck those strawberries, fuck his feelings. He knows Ilhoon loves someone who isn't him already but he isn't ready yet to hear it directly from this jerk. How he envies Ilhoon telling about Hyunsik so comfortably, how he can tell about the things he love about him. Sungjae wanted to do the same; he wanted to tell how fluffy Changsub's cheeks are whenever he kisses them and how much he loves it whenever Changsub backhugs him, but he just can't. Not that he doesn't love Changsub enough to brag about him but somewhere inside him, still can't say he's totally over the guy in front of him. Sungjae doesn't know.

"You're happy," Sungjae said with a broken smile. Ilhoon was too oblivious to recognize it.

"Yes. You are, too," Ilhoon answered in a second.

"At the very least, yes I am," Sungjae tried to cover up for his broken heart. He wanted to just break down but Ilhoon is happy now, he can't confuse him anymore just because he still has hang-ups of them.

"Maybe we were meant this way," Ilhoon seriously said, looking at Sungjae. "It hurt so much before but look at us now, we're more than happy than before. We deserve this afterall," he said.

"Yeah. I think so, and I see you've made Hyunsik happier too," Sungjae replied, succesfully hiding the bitterness in his voice. Ilhoon looked at him so lovingly, as if memorizing Sungjae's face. The latter also saved in his mind how Ilhoon's eyes darted at him this beautiful again.

 

~

  
Eight years ago, Sungjae dreamt of Ilhoon. And it really did happen, Ilhoon talking about someone he loves in the future to a friend he'd bump into somewhere. But Sungjae once wished it'd be him Ilhoon would be talking about, though.

Sungjae strayed down the road to their home. He somehow wishes Changsub got back already to share a bottle of soju or two. He needs to forget at least what just happened this day. Fortunately, Changsub was there, sitting in the sofa with some snacks infront of him. Sungjae wanted to hug him so tight. He didn't mean to feel this way but he is totally aware he shouldn't be doing this on Changsub. His tears fell unconsciously as he walked up to the living room.

Changsub smiled at him as soon as he sat down, only to have his smile fade away when he saw Sungjae crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Changsub asked. Sungjae forced a smile.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry," Sungjae tried to smile again but more tears fell.

"I'm sorry," he said once again as he decided to just let it out. Changsub worriedly looked at him and hugged him immediately. He doesn't know why was Sungjae acting like that at first but when his sobbing got much harder, he knew.

Sungjae always cried the same way he does all the time because of one person. He hasn't changed, and Changsub knows. He let Sungjae stay in his arms like that. He didn't care about his shirt getting soaked of his tears. He didn't mind his heart being crushed as Sungjae holds on to him tighter.

"It still hurts," Changsub half-asked, half-confirmed it from Sungjae. Their hug loosened as the younger one looked at the other apologetically. Changsub smiled at him sincerely.

"I stayed not because I wanted you to learn to love me back. I stayed because I wanted to help you heal or at least be with you until you're ready," Changsub added. Sungjae looked taken aback by his words. Changsub knows and maybe Sungjae was just playing dumb so much that he thought Changsub had no idea.

"I don't want to hurt you. Changsub, you deserve better than this--"

"You deserve better too. I'm not telling you to let him go immediately. I just want you to be happy and maybe that's what he wanted for you too," A tear dropped from Sungjae's eyes again as Changsub spoke.

"But when I had him, I was happy," Sungjae said. He closed his eyes after, he doesn't want to say it infront of Changsub but he just can't help it.

Changsub handled it better than he himself expected. "Sungjae, fate is playful. Sometimes, it takes away the happiness you thought was yours to show you there's someone out there to give you the one that's really for you."

Even before they created their band, Changsub already found Sungjae special to him. He did not tell him that but he showed. Ilhoon came and there was nothing to hate about that guy except that he is really attractive that he was able to get Sungjae's attention. Changsub shrugged it off, despite of his shattering heart as he watch Sungjae fall even harder for Ilhoon day by day. There's nothing to compare to the pain Changsub felt the day the two announced they're dating. His façade of being always the jolly one saved him. Until Sungjae came up to him two years after, crying and Changsub didn't know what to do. He wanted to take the chance but a part of him doesn't, afraid to be hurt again. But things just happened. Though he knows Sungjae struggled and still tries to replace Ilhoon, Changsub did not bother. He waited and stayed.

Sungjae sighed after staring at Changsub's calm face. He looks so fragile Sungjae doesn't want to touch. It seems to him that everything beautiful he touches breaks afterwards and he knows he's done enough breaking Changsub, he's not breaking him more.

"I kept my feelings to myself and just watched you drift away, that's when I started to lose you. I thought I really did until you came to me like this, crying like this," Changsub continued speaking.

"I didn't mean to repeat it again and I'm sorry. Changsub you are one of those beautiful things that has happened to me and I don't deserve your love," Sungjae cried and Changsub was just shaking his head.

"Don't be sorry. Sungjae, I love you so much and I can wait until for another lifetime if that's what takes you, I don't mind," Changsub squeezed Sungjae's hand he was holding. If this breaks Changsub's heart, Sungjae was feeling the same. What good did he do to have someone like Changsub.

"I can't hurt you more. I love you but--"

"And that's already enough. You have me and everything's fine. Everything will be alright," Changsub smiled so warm that made Sungjae smile too.

This time, he's really letting go of Ilhoon. No turning back.

**Author's Note:**

> comments as well as kudos would be highly appreciated!!
> 
> yell at me on twt @ult2hoons !


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